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7 Signs Your Partner's Relationship Baggage Is Holding Them Back
My clients often tell me they are seeking someone with little or no emotional baggage. Yes, it can make for a simpler life if there are no ex-wives to negotiate with, no child support to pay, no illnesses or emotional issues to deal with. But if you are a certain age, hopefully, you have lived your life and experienced as much as possible. However, sometimes a little emotional baggage can make a person very interesting. If handled well, it can even make us stronger in a relationship — rather than turning into a relationship deal breaker. So don't be so quick to write someone off because of a bit of extra luggage. That's why it's important to understand what works for you in a relationship — and what won't. If this person thinks he "knows" you after just a few hours or even just a few dates, then he's not interested in the real you. He's just interested in having somebody.
Emotional baggage is a natural side-effect of emotional pain, which everyone experiences in one way or another. A man who has been through a divorce or some other negative life experience is probably going to have some unresolved issues. The important question is not whether he has baggage -- but what he's doing about it. Some people have a long history of having been mistreated, taken advantage of or having been abused in past relationships. If the man you're dating has a lot of stories about awful ex-girlfriends and the terrible things they did to him -- two possibilities exist. One is that he has no insight into his own role in the failed relationships and he will probably make the same mistakes with you.
Most people carry some kind of wound from their past. But sometimes it can be anxiety-provoking to be with someone who we sense has emotional baggage. For people to feel comfortable sharing their past, they need to feel safe, and this can take some time. By asking yourself these questions first, you can become more attuned to what is happening for you before trying to elicit information from your partner.
Dating a Man With Baggage
One of the best things about being in a relationship with someone new is having a clean slate. There's so much potential for what your relationship can eventually become, that everything feels good. However, your smooth road to long-term relationship bliss can turn rocky when you realize that your partner is still holding on to baggage from a past relationship. According to experts, that baggage can prevent you from having that loving relationship you truly want.